To start, thank you lauren for reminding me i have this thing. Everyime i post it seems i'm either concieted and think the world of myself or depressed and i guess looking for pity by complaining how awful i am.
My previous posts did have some merit, i don't know who i am. I mean that because the second i say that i'm ____ i immediately convince myself i'm not, "i'm not nice becuase nice people don't do ___" so on and so forth. I think this i somewhere between me having low self esteem and being indescisive. Not really sure though.
Had a good-ish weekend, enjoyed myself and smiled, which i'm convinced i don't do with any frequency. And then realized i was behind, luckily i'm catching up easily enough (i must be if i have time to write this). I have given up chasing a girl i "liked". It's not a lie to say she's sweet, kind, or intelligent, all of these are true, but i seriously wonder i thats wat i was interested in. I didn't want to jump her, but i think it might have just been i'm tired of being lonely and she's absolutley b-e-a-utiful. I sit here thinking that i'll be an amazing boyfriend or spouse, but i've never even managed to keep a relationship or for that matter find one with any future so i'm starting to doubt my "potential".
This isn't meant to be a depressing post, but looking back i'm reminded of something that is, the fact that apparently everything i say IS DEPRESSING. And wats more, i don't get it.
I had to knock another two people off of my "List". A mental list of all the people i know who haven't had sex. you might find this rediculous, but it's the only thing that keeps me sane when thinking about such things. That there are so many people that havent.... for all i know anyways. But that list continues to get shorter everyday.
Sisters havin another baby tommorow tho, and it looks like it'll be a good day, so cheers to that.
And to all who may read this, i wish you all the best, because i know it can't be easy to put up with this guy.
My previous posts did have some merit, i don't know who i am. I mean that because the second i say that i'm ____ i immediately convince myself i'm not, "i'm not nice becuase nice people don't do ___" so on and so forth. I think this i somewhere between me having low self esteem and being indescisive. Not really sure though.
Had a good-ish weekend, enjoyed myself and smiled, which i'm convinced i don't do with any frequency. And then realized i was behind, luckily i'm catching up easily enough (i must be if i have time to write this). I have given up chasing a girl i "liked". It's not a lie to say she's sweet, kind, or intelligent, all of these are true, but i seriously wonder i thats wat i was interested in. I didn't want to jump her, but i think it might have just been i'm tired of being lonely and she's absolutley b-e-a-utiful. I sit here thinking that i'll be an amazing boyfriend or spouse, but i've never even managed to keep a relationship or for that matter find one with any future so i'm starting to doubt my "potential".
This isn't meant to be a depressing post, but looking back i'm reminded of something that is, the fact that apparently everything i say IS DEPRESSING. And wats more, i don't get it.
I had to knock another two people off of my "List". A mental list of all the people i know who haven't had sex. you might find this rediculous, but it's the only thing that keeps me sane when thinking about such things. That there are so many people that havent.... for all i know anyways. But that list continues to get shorter everyday.
Sisters havin another baby tommorow tho, and it looks like it'll be a good day, so cheers to that.
And to all who may read this, i wish you all the best, because i know it can't be easy to put up with this guy.
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