Girls

I discovered today that with the exception of my family, all the girls in my life are bad for me. Some lie, some cheat, some don't even realize i exsist. Had one stand me up at a coffee shop today, and another decide she's going to do coke. Every week i find another girl, a beautiful girl who thinks she's unnatractive, and for the life of me i can't do anythign about it, but 1 million times and counting hasn't stopped me from trying. Another one decided she's going to start sleeping around, and i have several who i'd like to talk to that refuse to have a conversation with me. The one girl who's better than all of it lives several hours away and is probably the only one who will read this if any. But all of them are tearing me up, from the liars, to the one's who need to stop with all their shit, to the ones who just don't seem to get how much i fuckin try. I'm not petty, but being there for somebody for years isn't easy, i'm willing to do it nonetheless, but not if your just going to ignore it and treat me like shit. And yet, everyday i look among these women who will undoubtably be the death of me, and look for just one that will give me the time of day...

you know who you are

Why do you sit inside a cage looking out?


Why do you think you don’t belong?

Why do you just sit there in doubt?

Why do you sit there convinced I’m wrong?



Ur beautiful and wonderful

Ur smile brightens the day

And I undersand that your humble

But why do you have to be that way?




Accept yourself in all you are

Don’t worry about all the other stuff

Break down your cages bars

I know your that tough



It’s not conceited

But it is needed

In this day and age the only ones you can count on to show you love

Is the one in the mirror and the one above.

Sex

Really really now? ur just going to "give him wat he want", "everybody wins". Great, why don't you just come out and say it, "I've decided to be easy", but no, that would mean that you couldn't sit there and talk shit about every other "easy" girl out school. And ur surprised  when i flip, even tho i didn't, ur surprised that i'm dissapointed, that i'm shocked. UR AN AMAZING PERSON! And you don't need to fuck to feel accomplished or to have a relationship, i the u ithought i knew would get that. But no, instead you complain about the guy who cares and compare me to a guy who obvioulsy doesn't. "Well __ doesn't behave this way." well then i guess __ does't give a damn about u or he would SAY SOMETHING!

Do watever you want, hope it works for you.

Back

To start, thank you lauren for reminding me i have this thing. Everyime i post it seems i'm either concieted and think the world of myself or depressed and i guess looking for pity by complaining how awful i am.

My previous posts did have some merit, i don't know who i am. I mean that because the second i say that i'm ____ i immediately convince myself i'm not, "i'm not nice becuase nice people don't do ___" so on and so forth. I think this i somewhere between me having low self esteem and being indescisive. Not really sure though.

Had a good-ish weekend, enjoyed myself and smiled, which i'm convinced i don't do with any frequency. And then realized i was behind, luckily i'm catching up easily enough (i must be if i have time to write this). I have given up chasing a girl i "liked". It's not a lie to say she's sweet, kind, or intelligent, all of these are true, but i seriously wonder i thats wat i was interested in. I didn't want to jump her, but i think it might have just been i'm tired of being lonely and she's absolutley b-e-a-utiful. I sit here thinking that i'll be an amazing boyfriend or spouse, but i've never even managed to keep a relationship or for that matter find one with any future so i'm starting to doubt my "potential".

This isn't meant to be a depressing post, but looking back i'm reminded of something that is, the fact that apparently everything i say IS DEPRESSING. And wats more, i don't get it.

I had to knock another two people off of my "List". A mental list of all the people i know who haven't had sex. you might find this rediculous, but it's the only thing that keeps me sane when thinking about such things. That there are so many people that havent.... for all i know anyways. But that list continues to get shorter everyday.

Sisters havin another baby tommorow tho, and it looks like it'll be a good day, so cheers to that.

And to all who may read this, i wish you all the best, because i know it can't be easy to put up with this guy.