So, theres this girl/. This girl/ and i have known each other for years. And just so you know a little bit more about me, one of my first and best friends was a girl. Not a girl in the usual sense though, even though we were only in elementary school, thanks to bad parenting ideals she already had a much more open understanding of sex than the usual, which she didn’t mind sharing. But for some reason we were never awkward around each other even in spite of that. Since that time, girls have always been my better friends… maybe its because I’m feminine in nature, maybe because most things guys do disgust me, I’m not sure. I do know however that the majority of girls that are my friends are girls I wanted to get to know so that I could date them and immediately landed in the friend zone with. I know dozens of girls I can talk to, not a single one so far I can date though… except this girl.
This girl/ and I dated at the beginning of my freshman year. We held hands and hung out everyday, and even went to the movies once. But because of being friends with girls for so many years I had heard time and time again “we went on this date and he did ____ and it made things sooooo awkward” I’m not sure if its from being friends with girls for so many years, or being protective in nature, or some odd sense of male over-respect towards women after finding out that my mom had been abused in her first marriage. But whatever the cause, I was terrified of making her awkward. Not because that might mess things up between the two of us, and end the relationship, no, it was simply I didn’t want to make her awkward. So the entire time we sat in the theatre on that first date, I sat with a personal bubble between the two of us, just so there was no chance she would find anything I did “awkward”.
A week later she broke up with me and walked away, to which I said nothing. I just walked around the rest of the day with a pain in my stomach like Mike Tyson had hit me there. For the rest of the year we didn’t speak to each other, more on her part than mine. After a few weeks I was told by friends of hers that the reason she dumped me was that I was “boring”, to which I can’t really argue.
That summer I dated the only other girl that has said yes so far. She was extremely unstable and as it turned out used me as just an emotional “pick-me-up” when she needed me, then dumped me. Talking to this girl/ for really the first time in a while on fb, she noticed that the other girl had dumped me, and instead of asking if I was alright, did something that was totally… her. She asked me “Do I need to kick this girls ass Blake, cuz nobody should treat somebody as nice as you that way”. Close to the nicest thing I have ever been told.
The following year we began to talk again and it continued into this year, occasionally holding an odd conversation or staring blankly at her while she screamed random insults like “fag”, or “whore” at me across the parking lot, which is also completely her. We began hanging out more and more and after a while, I began to notice that I wasn’t awkward around her, and not only that… I was more fun around her. I didn’t have to worry around her like I do around everybody else. And occasionally it felt like we were dating, and I wanted to reach across and hold her, or kiss her. But I knew better. Even though I couldn’t define our relationship, and that drove me crazy, whatever it was made me happy.
Then, one day, after going to a movie, the local snow cone place, and an evening at my youth group, all of whom thought we were dating, I finally defined our relationship. I figured out that we were just amazing friends, who for all appearances appeared to be dating, but that we never would because we knew it wouldn’t work. Realizing this made me comfortable. Later we decided to have a chat on twitter. This was not the best idea because everyone could see it. Two girls whom we both know decided to comment on us asking questions like “are ya’ll dating yet or what?” finally, this girl/ decided to ask “want to go out again?”, to which I couldn’t say no.
Now this girl/ and I are in a relationship that I can’t possibly understand, because I spent so long just trying to figure it out before. Wish me luck.
No comments:
Post a Comment