A person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others without giving any useful or proper return, as one who lives on the hospitality of others.... I guess thats me. I've fooled myself into thinking I had something useful to give, if only a minute quality, at least I had one. I thought I could sit and listen, and cheer people up, at least occasonally. In fact, I was so concieted in beleiving this, that when people thanked me for it, instead of just saying "your welcome", I had to sit on my high horse and say "you don't need to thank me, this is the only I ever do right". Well, I guess there was a reason none of my friends ever came to me with anything, I guess theres a reason I'm always the last to find things out, I suck at this thing I'm supposed to be doing right.... And to top it all off, I've been taking away from people this whole time, coming to them for the support that I thougth I gave others, a parasite, a leech.
And to the only person who may even read this, I'm sorry I flipped out. I don't know if theres something wrong with me, or if I hoped you'd prove me wrong, or maybe I've been lying to myself this whole time and I'm just concieted enough to mess people up for attention, regardless, apparently I'm fucked.... the only saving grace I had for all those times I called on you, was thinking that at least now and then you did the same to me. I don't know how you consider me amongst your friends, but to me, your closer than people I've known and see everyday for years.... I don't know why. I know I'm not at the top of your list, and it would be arrogant of me to think I was, just thought if nothing else, I was someone you could talk to if you needed... I guess not. I honestly hope your not reading this, but if you are, don't let me drag you down. I would say that I'm here for you, and I am, but you shoudn't turn to me. Talk to Eddie, he seems to be better at it from what you've told me...and yes, I am jealous of him for that. Hope your doing alright, and even though you'll never with me me saying it, their wrong, your perfect the way you are, and one day I hope they'll not only realize how wrong they were, but also how much it's hurt you.
To the rest of the world, I am now a man without talents, without useful skills, without any faith in myself, and a serious lack of decisiveness about anything including my opionion of myself. It seems Year 17 is well under way.
And to the only person who may even read this, I'm sorry I flipped out. I don't know if theres something wrong with me, or if I hoped you'd prove me wrong, or maybe I've been lying to myself this whole time and I'm just concieted enough to mess people up for attention, regardless, apparently I'm fucked.... the only saving grace I had for all those times I called on you, was thinking that at least now and then you did the same to me. I don't know how you consider me amongst your friends, but to me, your closer than people I've known and see everyday for years.... I don't know why. I know I'm not at the top of your list, and it would be arrogant of me to think I was, just thought if nothing else, I was someone you could talk to if you needed... I guess not. I honestly hope your not reading this, but if you are, don't let me drag you down. I would say that I'm here for you, and I am, but you shoudn't turn to me. Talk to Eddie, he seems to be better at it from what you've told me...and yes, I am jealous of him for that. Hope your doing alright, and even though you'll never with me me saying it, their wrong, your perfect the way you are, and one day I hope they'll not only realize how wrong they were, but also how much it's hurt you.
To the rest of the world, I am now a man without talents, without useful skills, without any faith in myself, and a serious lack of decisiveness about anything including my opionion of myself. It seems Year 17 is well under way.
