I just realized that the real reason i started this blog was that i was utterly convinced that i was interesting, that i had something worth saying, that i was original, philosophic of some other nonesence. In all honesty i am dull boring and pathetic. I have no genuinely original thouhts, everyday i think of "plots" to my life trying to cheer me up, "Ooh, what if i had superpowers.... it would go like THIS____" but i just steal from others already presented ideas and simply twist them so i'm the center of attention in my head because thats the only place i am. I'm pathetic for the fact that i can't make up my damn mind, i honestly don't know if i'm depressed, or just on some level want to seem depressed so tht people will be there for me, HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT. I tell eveyone that i don't think much of myslef, but i must because i'm convinced that i should be having a better life. And i say i want change, i'm prbly afraid of it. I say i want a girlfriend, that i'd be better than all the jackasses out there, i'm probly just like them. And for a week now i've imagined punching in a guy's face "one of my illusions of grandeur, because i'm sure that i can't fight" simply because he has an amazing girlfriend. Now, in all fairness she said that she liked me, but really, if i'm so pathetic that that's all it takes for me to dive in head first, i should have been shot or heartbroken a dozen times by now.
I guess what i'm trying to say is... why am i so fucked up?
